I started thinking about that and what that means. I could give a list of examples... I feel like perhaps of all things, dating has given me the opportunity to really learn to listen to my Heavenly Father's voice. Though I don't always understand what I think I hear and feel from Him in regards to dating, I know that He speaks to us and that He wants to direct us and help us. I've also learned to pay attention to my feelings more. I've also learned that you have to be humble enough to listen to your feelings and the feelings Heavenly Father gives you in regards to each situation. You have to love God enough to take His counsel, to let go when He says it's time to let go and to have the faith to go forward when He says you should go forward.
I've learned that everybody is special and amazing. I used to make judgments very quickly about people I went on dates with or just people that I met and was friends with. I looked for all the reasons I couldn't date them or like them or marry them, etc. But even though I'm obviously only going to marry one person, I've come to value people in a different way by trying to legitimately give them a chance and try to get to know them. I've been invited into the homes of some pretty great families in this process and have met some pretty darn incredible young men. Their future wives and families are going to be so lucky to have their wonderful examples of priesthood service and righteous manhood. I've come to respect these young men so much. I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to associate with so many of them who are so wonderful.
I learned that I want to be the kind of spouse or girlfriend who lets their significant other participate in the things they really enjoy in life and who supports them in it, even if I don't love the same things as much. This feeling came when I'd broken up with someone who had expressed strongly that he disliked a genre of music that is one of my favorite things in all of life. I hadn't realized while we were dating that his saying that had an effect on me, but I remember after we broke up, getting into my car alone one night, and my radio was turned to a classical station. I remember feeling like "ah, I can enjoy classical music again!" I had no idea that I had felt like I couldn't enjoy it while I was dating him, but apparently I had registered some judgment that I loved it and felt like I couldn't enjoy it to the same degree if he hated it and didn't support me in that enjoyment. It was a simple thing, but it taught me a good lesson. I want to be the kind of wife who does those little things to help my husband have joy in the simple things he loves in life. If he likes sports, I want to go to sporting events with him, even though sports aren't my favorite thing in life. I want to do that with him because I love him and because life isn't all about me. If he loves skiing or snowmobiling or boating, I'll try and go with him even though those things make me kind of nauseous. If he likes camping, I'll try and go with him even though I hate the dirt involved with camping. I can already feel that life will be happier if this is my focus. The more you give, the more you have in relationships. It's pretty amazing how that works.
I've learned that dating is so much about trust. You have to trust that God has a plan for you. You have to believe that even though sometimes you feel broken and lonely and you might be the cause of others broken-ness and loneliness, that God knows how to give sufficient comfort and healing. I've been on both ends. I've done the breaking up and I've been broken up with. Both hurt. Each brings different feelings of struggle and brokenness. But I've learned that we don't have to do it alone. I was in the new phases of a relationship with an adorable human a while back and we were trying to decide if it was the right thing to keep going... "What if we break up? What if I hurt you? What if it doesn't work out? I don't want to hurt you" were thoughts we talked through for weeks. One night, after one of these talks where he expressed this fear that he would break my heart, I had to seriously think about the possibility. At that point, I doubted that would happen - he was everything I'd ever wanted and I felt that our relationship held so much potential. As I thought that night "What if it doesn't work out? What if his fears come true?" Immediately, the Spirit taught me that I would be ok because the first relationship in my life is and always should be with my Savior and that if He is my anchor that I'll be ok no matter what happens. A few months later, that relationship ended, catching me by surprise. As I walked into my bedroom the night we broke up with tear-streaked cheeks and a feeling of grief and shock in my heart, the Spirit whispered to me so clearly, "Your future is bright!!" I thought of that as I recently had to tell another adorable human that I couldn't have the relationship with him that he wanted. I was comforted in having to be the bearer of that news to him to know that Heavenly Father is so mindful of him too and that his future is so bright too.
Lately I've come more fully to the understanding that Heavenly Father wants to give us the best things He possibly can. Sometimes a door has to close so that He can do that for us but He is always there to lead us upward and forward. He's always there to show us the way to the next open window, which holds something even better for us than the last thing. He is leading us on an eternal path of progression and growth. It is an upward climb of goodness. Keep going. Those are the words I feel every time I get frustrated with dating: "Just keep going."
On a little lighter note, can I just share a few nuggets of my life with you?
-Today I got to see cute people. Like they are 2 and 4 years old and we call them niece and nephew and they are the cutest. And 2 year old little boy ate cake and ice cream on my lap and we laughed and laughed about how funny it is to try and take huge bites of ice cream and then laughed even more when the huge bite of ice cream fell off his fork and then it only took me 3 minutes of him asking for more ice cream to figure out what he was saying...He wanted more so that he could do it again and so we could laugh again. Laugh we did, and I kissed his little cheeks a lot a lot a lot. That is happiness right there.
-Have you ever had a massage? If you haven't, please treat yourself to one. You will never view life the same. Oh, and if you haven't had it done before, ask the massage therapist to work your psoas muscle. Wowee... a little painful and slightly invasive to have someone dig into your gut, but really.... I wish I could have someone work that thing out for me every day. Is that tmi? It might be...ok, sorry, moving on.
-Institute is the best. I get to teach institute right now in my young single adult stake and I am so lucky. My co-teacher and I are teaching the life of Jesus Christ from the 4 Gospels in the New Testament and I have been so weepy and my heart so tender these last many days as I've been studying the life of my Savior. I'm so touched by everything He did on this earth and by the infiniteness of His Atonement and the experiences of all of the people involved in His coming to earth. Joseph, Mary, Zacharias, Elizabeth, John, the Wisemen and Shepherds.
-Sometimes you get these little packets of mercy in a day to direct you in the path that you should go. Like you see a friend who tells you about a class that interests you as far as a career path. Or you talk to someone who tells you it's ok to just be you. Did you know that? You're pretty awesome. It's ok to be you...weaknesses and all. I forget that sometimes. But if we're talking about weaknesses, let me share a few because I try to hide them a lot.... I'm really bad at keeping my room clean. Don't know what that's about. I also really like sleeping in. But I'm trying to conquer that one because I also really love mornings and am a much more focused person in the morning than any other time of the day. I am late a lot. Most people know this. It's bad. I'm working on that one too. Sometimes I avoid uncomfortable situations when I should just deal with them head-on. I'm also suuuuuper selfish. Holy cow. Like really. I am soooo selfish. It's really been bugging me lately because I am pretty sure I only think of myself in life and that is just lame. Also, sometimes I have a really hard time to just 'let go.' This is problematic sometimes. I'm sorry if you've ever been the victim of this weakness of mine.
-I believe in love. I told my mom the other day that I didn't believe in "the one" anymore. She laughed and said "Well, I can see why you might say that, but obviously you DO believe in finding one person or you'd be dating so and so..." That's true, mom. If I wasn't worried about finding the right person, I'd probably be dating someone who wasn't the right person. So I'm grateful for the discerning power God gives as we date. I believe in forgiveness in love. Sometimes we're dumb. Sometimes we say unkind things or are thoughtless. I believe in keeping life simple (yes, I know I just admitted that I've yet to master letting go) and in trying to keep relationships and emotions simple. This is hard for me cuz I'm super sensitive, but I'm trying. I really want to be a more peaceful, calm person. I hope to find someone who has that kind of temperament...even, calm, solid. Mm. Love him just thinkin' about it. haha. If he's not like that, well I'm sure he'll still be great, but I'm praying for a really calm one because I just need someone to balance me out and help me stay calm. :)
Ok, I think that's enough of a ramble now. Sorry about that. If you made it to here, here is a message of goodness
