Grateful

On Wednesday night of this week, I got in my car at 11 pm after a 5 hour orchestra rehearsal for the concert I mentioned in my last post. I was so tired from that wonderfully intense rehearsal that I had to pray I wouldn't fall asleep on the fifteen minute drive home. ....And I tell you what, my eyes didn't even droop, because they were wet with tears of gratitude the entire time. Tears may have squeaked out a few times during our rehearsal too because of how beautiful it was and how grateful I felt to be part of what these amazing conductors are doing. My heart was so full by the end of the night. I cried and prayed in gratitude on my way home, asking Heavenly Father why He is so so so so so so good to me. I think He just knew I needed this in my life right now. It has been a healing balm to my soul the past month and a half. It has lifted and filled and inspired me. It has awakened a spot in my heart that has not been open for a while because I wasn't playing with an orchestra. Light and goodness and euphoria flow through you when you're part of something that good. I feel like Heavenly Father knew that this would be a season of my life when things would be tough and stretching and that some days I would feel like giving up on school, or dating, or...well, on me. So, He gave me this opportunity to make music again.

Also, can I just tell you about the people in this organization? On the night of my audition, I walked into the audition room almost in tears because I had somehow misunderstood the audition requirements. I felt so embarrassed and self-conscious and unconfident. I told those who heard my audition what had happened as I fought back the tears. I expected this to be a negative experience because of that. However, as soon as I looked into the faces of those hearing me, my fears melted away. I felt love. I felt the Spirit. There was so much light in them. They were so kind and so encouraging. They told me not to worry and that they were so excited to hear me play. I went out of there wanting to be a better person just because of the light and love emanating from those three individuals. I felt that even if I didn't get into the orchestra, the audition was worth the experience because of what I felt from those individuals. It was an amazing experience.

I did get in. They invited me to the first rehearsal and to have a second audition afterwards. They were so so so so so kind.  I just feel so grateful. Music has brought me wonderful associations with beautiful people and I feel that this is just the beginning of another of those experiences. I have appreciated what I've learned from all the conductors of this group, but I've been especially impacted by one conductor who has been the main conductor of our chapter. He has inspired me with his goodness, light, love, encouragement, and expectations. I heard someone say once that a choir or an orchestra reflects the way their conductor deals with them. I tell you what, I hope we do!  When playing music, if your conductor loves you, you feel it and you want to play better because of it. Every time I sit down under the direction of his baton, I feel the Spirit. And you know what, it's not just because of the music we're playing. It's because of his vision. It's because of the vision of the whole organization. Especially with our concert being a celebration of Christmas, I feel the Spirit so much. We get to be the bearers for 2 hours or so of the glad tidings of Jesus Christ through music. I am so grateful to Him for all the blessings He gives me. He is full of grace and mercy.