Christ was born FOR YOU

Hello! I wanted to share a few Christmas thoughts now that I am done with finals and have a moment to breathe again.

There is a song that has been playing over and over and over in my mind since November 20th. I have heard it many times in my life but had never really listened. You know how we do, we hear something but we don't really hear. Well such was me with this song until I was at an orchestra rehearsal late one night in November and the choir had to repeat the last line of the song a few times.... "Christ the babe is born for you." My ears perked up. I had never known that the song "Infant Holy, Infant Lowly" had those words in it. Immediately I wanted to listen to it over and over .... And I did. I have listened to it over and over again in the car and at home. I love it. The second verse is my favorite: "Flocks were sleeping, shepherds keeping vigil til the morning new. Saw the glory, heard the story, tidings of our gospel true. Thus rejoicing, free from sorrow, praises voicing greet the morrow, 'Christ the babe is born for you!'

The line "free from sorrow" in this verse was the high point for me of the concert I got to play in a few weeks ago. As the choir sang that line, I felt the power of those words. Jesus Christ gives us freedom from sorrow. He gives us freedom from sorrow and from all other chains and burdens.

So, at this Christmas time, I want to share with you my testimony that Jesus Christ lives and that "Christ the babe was born for you." He was born for YOU and for your individual sins, pains, struggles, sorrows, burdens...You name it and He felt it for you. He felt YOUR sin. YOUR pain. YOUR sorrow. And He atoned for it. "At-oned"...meaning He made it all right. He set it all equal again. He set you at one with Him again. As far as He descended, He can raise you up. I love Him and I praise Him. I invite you to come closer to Him at this beautiful time of year. He loves you so much.

Merry Christmas to you!!

Loved

Every now and then, you have those days when your mind and your body and just about every other faculty you can imagine tells you that you're not doing that great with life right now. So you get up and start your day, thinking "Man, I hope I can make it through this day…and man, I hope these feelings pass reeeeaaalll fast."

But as the feelings continue and you get to your morning scripture study and the first verse you read is  Isaiah 14:3 - "The Lord shall give thee rest from thy sorrow, and from thy fear," you know that He knows exactly what you're going through and that He wants peace and happiness for you. He lets you know that you won't feel this way forever. This is a hard day for some reason, but He will help you through this day just as He has helped you through every other hard day of your life. He lets you know there is a place and time when you will be free of those sad and fearful feelings that creep up every now and then and that He'll help you get there. And He does that just because He loves you. Because He loves you so much that He wants you to know that you're not alone and that He gets it…He gets how you're feeling. He knows and He wanted to let you know that He knows.  

You go through the day and try to do good things but you just can't get out of the slump. And then you go to your cousin's house for family night and see him and his wife and their two little boys. Their little boys crawl all over you and talk to you and want to be by you the whole night and you're reminded what it is that you're trying to get to…what you really want in life. It's this. It's this sweet little family life. Husband. Wife. Father. Mother. Children. For a few minutes you feel whole inside. You know what is real and what is not. You get to see that this little life makes you feel better and not more stressed, which is an answer to prayers, as you have been worried that it will make this problem of feeling this way worse. You see that this is where you feel most comfortable, most happy, most whole, most at home, most YOU: Giving love to and laughing with children, all in a little home that is just trying to teach little people what is true and trying to love each other and be the best people you can be. Yes, God gives you this gift of showing you that you're a mother at heart to help you know that all is well and that you will be ok. Because He loves you. He loves you so much He just wants to let you know that He gets you. He gets that you get scared sometimes and that it's hard sometimes and that you hurt sometimes…. but He also gets that there is a future of things even better than you can comprehend and He's preparing them for you. 

At the end of the day, you just know that He loves you so much. Even though it's so hard sometimes, you're grateful for the dark which helps the light be more visible because He loves you. He loves you, He loves you, He loves you!!! 

Choices

I watched this video this morning and I love it. I love this story and have had the opportunity to previously hear it and read it several times. As I heard it again today while watching this video, I thought about the relief and peace that comes into our lives when we make the right decisions - in short, the peace we have when we are clean. It is such a blessed thing to be clean before the Lord. I hope that you will feel the same as you watch this. If you feel any feelings of discomfort, that is the spirit telling you that you can be better. Perhaps there is something in your life that ought not to be. There is repentance. There is always a way to be clean again. Jesus Christ is the way.

Happy

I am happy. /grateful. But mostly happy.

I am happy to be alive.

I am happy to have amazing friend and family support all around me. I love every person who is part of my life so much and I am so grateful for all of their amazing examples and their love.

I am happy that one of my best friends got married to her sweetheart today and that I got to see them together. We've had long talks about life and decisions and dating and marriage over the past couple years and I'm so grateful to have been able to see her path unfold up to this point. She's been such a great friend to me and it was truly a joy to see her with her new husband today. I am also happy that one of my other best friends got engaged to his sweetheart this weekend. Man, I'm just happy for everybody who is finding true love! What a blessing and a joy. I am grateful for the way God leads all of our paths to help us be with the right person. :)

I am happy that I get to play the cello EVERY DAY. I love playing the cello.

I am happy that I'm not an accounting major. Yup. I would die.

I am happy that one of my family members who has health challenges is doing a little better lately. I sure love that guy.

I am happy that I live so close to a temple. I don't know what I would do without that place.

I am happy that Zupas exists. I am also happy that there was this one boy who would go to Zupas with me every week on our date night even though he didn't love it. That was nice of him. He will long be remembered for his chivalry in that matter...especially because he thought it was a "girly" restaurant. What a gent. What. a. gent.

I am happy that we have memories so that when life feels a little gloomy we can remember that one time when we got to play the cello for 5 hours with the most amazing choir and conductors ever or that one time when my niece told me that "everyone is getting married...except for you," or the video that my sister-in-law sent me of my nephew playing in the toilet last week or one of the hundreds of millions of times that one of my prayers was answered. And I'm grateful for flowers. I love those things.

I am happy that my body is healthy and whole and that most of the time it can run and jump and move and play.

I am happy that children exist. I am happy that they are so innocent and pure and loving.

I am happy that my face knows how to smile and that my soul knows how to laugh.

I am happy that the song "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" exists. I looove that song.

I am happy that tomorrow is Sunday. I need one of those days.

I am happy that opportunities to do good and to be kind are endless.

I am happy that sometimes I love people so much that it hurts a lot when they aren't in my life. I'd rather love them and hurt than not ever love enough to hurt. I'm also happy that giving love is something that can always make us better and happier and more whole. Turning outward is so good.

I am happy that God gives us people to help us grow and learn. I love people.

I am happy about life, with all its mountains to climb and its beautiful views, all its roses and all its thorns.

I am happy to be alive.

Grateful

On Wednesday night of this week, I got in my car at 11 pm after a 5 hour orchestra rehearsal for the concert I mentioned in my last post. I was so tired from that wonderfully intense rehearsal that I had to pray I wouldn't fall asleep on the fifteen minute drive home. ....And I tell you what, my eyes didn't even droop, because they were wet with tears of gratitude the entire time. Tears may have squeaked out a few times during our rehearsal too because of how beautiful it was and how grateful I felt to be part of what these amazing conductors are doing. My heart was so full by the end of the night. I cried and prayed in gratitude on my way home, asking Heavenly Father why He is so so so so so so good to me. I think He just knew I needed this in my life right now. It has been a healing balm to my soul the past month and a half. It has lifted and filled and inspired me. It has awakened a spot in my heart that has not been open for a while because I wasn't playing with an orchestra. Light and goodness and euphoria flow through you when you're part of something that good. I feel like Heavenly Father knew that this would be a season of my life when things would be tough and stretching and that some days I would feel like giving up on school, or dating, or...well, on me. So, He gave me this opportunity to make music again.

Also, can I just tell you about the people in this organization? On the night of my audition, I walked into the audition room almost in tears because I had somehow misunderstood the audition requirements. I felt so embarrassed and self-conscious and unconfident. I told those who heard my audition what had happened as I fought back the tears. I expected this to be a negative experience because of that. However, as soon as I looked into the faces of those hearing me, my fears melted away. I felt love. I felt the Spirit. There was so much light in them. They were so kind and so encouraging. They told me not to worry and that they were so excited to hear me play. I went out of there wanting to be a better person just because of the light and love emanating from those three individuals. I felt that even if I didn't get into the orchestra, the audition was worth the experience because of what I felt from those individuals. It was an amazing experience.

I did get in. They invited me to the first rehearsal and to have a second audition afterwards. They were so so so so so kind.  I just feel so grateful. Music has brought me wonderful associations with beautiful people and I feel that this is just the beginning of another of those experiences. I have appreciated what I've learned from all the conductors of this group, but I've been especially impacted by one conductor who has been the main conductor of our chapter. He has inspired me with his goodness, light, love, encouragement, and expectations. I heard someone say once that a choir or an orchestra reflects the way their conductor deals with them. I tell you what, I hope we do!  When playing music, if your conductor loves you, you feel it and you want to play better because of it. Every time I sit down under the direction of his baton, I feel the Spirit. And you know what, it's not just because of the music we're playing. It's because of his vision. It's because of the vision of the whole organization. Especially with our concert being a celebration of Christmas, I feel the Spirit so much. We get to be the bearers for 2 hours or so of the glad tidings of Jesus Christ through music. I am so grateful to Him for all the blessings He gives me. He is full of grace and mercy.

Christmas-y and Love

It is official- my Christmas music craze has begun! I tell you what, I've held off for a long time this year. It usually starts on Halloween. Actually, I usually have a small phase somewhere around July. It doesn't last long. Then at Halloween, it comes full-fledged. Tonight is the first time I've put my spotify station to Christmas and I'm lovin' it! I should probably admit that I started playing Christmas music on the cello around the 10th of October because I am playing in this suuuuper cool orchestra and we are performing an amazing Christmas concert in ..... dun dun dun... Abravanel Hall! I'm so excited! It's been years since I've had the privilege to play there and I just remember how much better everything sounded in that hall. I couldn't believe that what came out of my little youth orchestra could actually sound like that! We always played in such dead spaces that it was just so amazing to hear everything flow together and actually be able to hear everything that was going on in the rest of the orchestra. I'm so excited and grateful to get to play there again. More importantly than the beautiful concert hall, I am grateful for an opportunity to celebrate the joy of Christmas and the birth and life of my Savior through music. Music is such an incredible gift and brings such a special spirit and healing power into my life.  We are playing some beautiful religious pieces.... O Holy Night and some movements from Handel's Messiah being my favorites. Don't judge me, but I think my favorite piece we're playing is "Polar Express Suite"...yes, from the movie the Polar Express. It's crazy hard, but I love it. I've been listening to it over and over again the past couple weeks and just so you can get a little taste for why I love it so much, you should check it out here.  I love it. I love it. I love it!!!! I just feel like it is so magical, especially the  beautiful middle part. Ah, I am just so in love with music!!! Go listen to some good music. Your soul will love you for it! 

For a little inspiration for your day, I remembered these two quotes today that I absolutely love:

"Real love is never wasted. Its value does not lie in reciprocity." 

How beautiful and how true. ...And...Thank goodness! I love knowing that I don't have to be embarrassed to give my love if the other person doesn't respond with love in return. Isn't that wonderful?! :) I love it. 

"Calmness preserves both energy and relationships." 

Amen. That's about all I can say. 

Both of these quotes are from our good brother, Elder Neal A. Maxwell. I love his bits of wisdom. What a great man. His influence and ministry as an Apostle of Jesus Christ continues to bless my life. 

Well, folks, Merry Christmas and to all a good night! :)

Growing

Tonight I pulled out of a drawer a picture of me that was taken a few months ago. I love it. I love it so much. There's a cute man by my side and two months ago I thought I looked the happiest in that picture that I had ever seen myself look. Even a month  ago, I probably thought the same thing and wished I could go back to that time when I felt so complete and so happy.

Tonight, I looked at it and I saw something different. I looked for that same happiness in my face that I have always seen in the picture, but I didn't see it there tonight. Tonight, I only saw how much the girl I am today has grown from the girl I was in the picture. It's not that I don't still want the happiness I had then to come back, but that girl in a way, was empty. She thought she had everything she'd ever wanted...and in a way, she did. But she didn't know that by losing that part of her life, she could grow even more, she could experience an even deeper kind of spirituality and love and beauty and growth and joy and faith. That joy and love hasn't come from a replacement of the cute man in the picture, but from a loving Heavenly Father. His kindness and friendship and confidence and Fatherhood have filled me up. He has been my Teacher and my Comforter and He has been oh so near to me. I would be lying to say that there have not been tears shed, and deeply sad moments, even some moments of darkness, but oh the light He has shown to me! He has taught me so much about myself. He has taught me so much about life. I have learned about the deep need to always and forever be anchored in Christ. Though I do not feel totally secure in everything where I'm at right now, I know that I have grown from the girl I saw tonight in that picture. It used to be my favorite. I don't think it is anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still love what it represents and love more who it represents, but the me in it is not where I wanted to stay. For some reason I had to be separated from the goodness that picture represents so that I could receive even more in my life, but I am grateful for it. I am grateful for loss which allows for growth. I am grateful for the cavity it creates inside of us that lets us feel God more abundantly.

Over and over again, the words of and LDS hymn play in my mind. Whenever I feel tempted to turn to any source other than Christ, for anything, I think of these words:

"Be fixed in your purpose for Satan will try you, the weight of your calling he perfectly knows. The path may be thorny but Jesus is nigh you, His arm is sufficient tho demons oppose."

Press on. 

From the Mouths of Babes

Today two of my nieces were at my mom's house playing and I overheard my 6 year old niece tell my mom:

"I wish (insert most recent boyfriend's name) was still in love with Megan..."

I started to laugh and came downstairs to find out what had inspired that comment. Her response was "I just want a new uncle so bad! I wish you were married already!! My mom got married when she was 20."
 Hahaha. ....I love how encouraging my nieces and nephews are when it comes to me getting married. :)

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

Some time ago, maybe a couple of months, I knelt down to pray one afternoon with some worries on my mind. I don't remember what those worries were now but I know that they felt heavy on that day (haha, great lesson to be learned in that alone). As I knelt down to pray, I felt a divine reminder about who I was talking with. I was reminded that my relationship with Him is seasoned, long and well-established and that it is a two-sided relationship. I was also reminded of the familial nature of that relationship...He is my FATHER. I don't always pray to Him like He is my Father but I have been working on that. That day I felt it so clearly, I understood it so well and I felt the openness of the relationship. To imagine the way He feels about us as our Father ought to change the way we view life. When I let myself feel His deep love, I feel differently about myself and about others and about life in general. 

I have loved this little song over the past couple years. My favorite line: "You should have seen me smile the day that I made you." We are literally the offspring of God and He cares for us with all the feelings of a perfect parent. I love Him and hope that you can feel His love for you in your life and know that you truly are His child and as such He wants to give you the very best things in your life! 

"But I Love it"

Random and 22

Random ramblings of my life lately....


1. 22!!!!! I am now 22. 22! 22! 22! I don't why but there is something that sounds really good about that age. It just rolls off the tongue. Haha. Really though, I had such a great birthday celebration with the people who are very closest and most important to me. It wasn't a super social time for me like it often is...I spent individual time with a lot of people in my family over the weekend and spent my birthday with family and just a couple of close friends. I am grateful for birthdays because I always pay a little more attention to loving myself and to loving others and to being grateful just to be alive, no matter the challenges I may be facing. I love the season my birthday is in because I always receive extra gratitude for nature because of how beautiful the mountains and leaves and trees are on my birthday.

2. Those girls who spent my birthday celebration with me and my family have been rocks for me throughout the past 10-15 years. I am so lucky to have such an amazing support system all around me. I have felt the strength of all those people who love and support me so much lately. Sometimes you don't really realize how many people there are around you who love you until you have a time that you literally need the strength that every person in your life gives you. Every person matters so much. Every person has so much to give. Every person has something that is invaluable to someone else. I hope you all know how amazing and special and valued you are by so many people.
Just to show you how adorable my friends are, my friend and I went to lunch today and she called me as I was driving home because "22" was playing on the radio. This is so awesome because we have been trying to find a moment sing along with "22" at the top of our lungs all week to celebrate my birthday. We've never been able to find it on the radio when we were together. We were in separate cars when it came on so she called me and we sang to it together on the phone in our separate cars. The timing on my radio was ahead of hers so we were just singing and laughing. It made my day that I have such a sweet friend. She is the friend who can I can always count on to make me laugh and help cheer me up. She is one of the only friends who I can get together with when we are both in super bad moods, be it from hormones, boys, frustrations of living at home, or whatever else and we can just laugh it all out. We laugh at each other's stresses and are pretty soon laughing at our own and then just laughing at how dramatic we can be. It's the best. I might add though that we are super bad influences on each other when it comes to having self-control over buying delicious food. Those get-togethers to laugh at our problems usually involve ice cream or some other food. Oh well...

3. I love this song. Slowly, I am trying to learn to live like this. Loving people is so so good. It hurts sometimes, but is soooo good. I have been thinking a lot about confidence lately and about how we can have full confidence in our lives in the many different aspects we may have need of confidence. Something in my life recently turned out really differently than I thought it would. I have struggled since to know how I could feel so confident that it was going to be a certain way when that wasn't the intended outcome. It hurt me and confused me and I had to search a lot to know if I had been wrong or deceived in what I had felt was right. I felt confident that I knew the Source of those feelings, but perhaps I had misunderstood. As I pondered and talked with my Father in Heaven about it, I felt the reassurance from Him that I had done my part and that I had not been wrong or deceived. I had given my full faith to the matter, my full heart, my full hope, my full trust, and my full belief in its goodness. I had run my part of that race with sufficient faith and effort and Heavenly Father helped me know that I could be confident with that. Along the lines of self-confidence, when we are living the Commandments of God, and doing what we need to in our personal lives to be clean before Him, we can always have confidence in ourselves. Confidence comes from how we live before God, not from anything that man gives to us or acknowledges us for. I also learned recently (long time coming haha) that I don't need to worry about being pretty enough or skinny enough or whatever enough for boys. Haha. All I need is to live worthily so that I can always have confidence in the presence of God and then I can always have confidence in the presence of anyone else. Yay!! God is so good.

4. I believe in miracles!! I know God can give us help beyond our imagining in our lives. My mom once told me "You have to need a miracle for God to do a miracle in your life." Sometimes we want the miracle without having to have the circumstance that provides the need for the miracle. I feel this way a lot. However, over the past few years, I have learned that Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's words, "Man's extremity is God's opportunity" are true and I am grateful for the small moments of extremity I have experienced. A month and half ago or so, I offered a prayer in which I somewhat unknowingly asked for an experience to help me along in my path of discipleship. I had been recalling a time of extremity I had about 4 years ago which involved intense illness. I felt I had forgotten some of the important things I'd felt in that time and I wanted to be reminded of those things and learn new things. I prayed humbly for whatever experience it would take for me to find those things again in a way that I would be able to learn them permanently. I had nooooooooo idea what the Lord was going to give me. It was far different and far beyond what I thought might be necessary. Haha. I have learned once again how holy our times of extremity can be. Though they may be challenging and stretching, if we can look beyond complaining about them, we can find so many blessings and so much growth (I am not good at not complaining, but I'm working on it). I am grateful that I have a Father who gives me what I need over what I want and I am trying to repent of the times when I insist upon what I want rather than what I need. This song is one of my faves. I know that God will and does and can work miracles in our lives. So often the miracle is just how He changes us through our experiences. I love Him so much!

I know God loves you and wants to reach out to you and help you in whatever you are struggling with He loves you so so so so much!! He wants to give you so so much! He wants to forgive you and to heal you and to help you be happier by helping you be cleaner. Pray to Him. He wants to talk with you. He is your Father.


Stay tuned for my next post. It's been formulating in my mind for a good week or more now. I don't know how to do it justice but I am going to try.

Words of Living Apostles of Jesus Christ

If you refer to my last post, you know that I'm a Mormon. (If you want to know more, check out my profile on Mormon.org. You can find it here.) Yay!! I love being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints with all my heart. Over the weekend, the entire church membership had the opportunity to hear from God's living prophet on the earth and His living apostles. I love this opportunity that we get twice a year. I love the men and women who lead this worldwide church. They are called of God and are divinely inspired.

This weekend brought answers to prayers and huge tender mercies to me. I have noticed how often, when life is particularly trying, the Lord gives us some extra powerful, poignant blessings and experiences to help us through and to reassure us that He is there. The talk below was one of those for me this weekend. I had been praying about serving a mission and Heavenly Father helped me know that my role and "mission" as a woman is enough. I would suggest to all women, everywhere, that your identity as a daughter of God is real and powerful. You are enough. You are good enough just because of who you are. Listen to this talk. Feel of the truth of who you are and of what you can do if you will follow the Lord's plan for you. I am so grateful to be a woman. I look forward to the missions I will fulfill as a wife and a mother someday and I know that those are the most important things I will ever do in my whole life.

Seeing as I have brought Elder D. Todd Christofferson into this post, let me continue with some of his recent stories and thoughts that I have been clinging to lately. First, "The Will of God." I love this story.  It is about Elder Hugh B. Brown and I am ever so grateful for his example. There have been days in my life that I too have "bitterness in my soul" when things do not go the way I hoped. I am trying so hard to learn to accept God's will and not let my personal feelings and desires affect my obedience, or my gratitude or my submissiveness. I love Him and I know that when He "cuts us down" it is because He loves us and in His Omniscient wisdom, He has a future prepared for us that is more grand and glorious than we can imagine. We just have to TRUST Him. 

In my efforts to try and be better at submitting to the will of God, I have found great counsel in the following video: To ask for my daily bread, rather than anguishing in trying to find peace about the future. I have found great solace in asking for just enough faith for this day, in asking for the experiences I need to help me learn and love God and my fellowman today. Praying like this has helped me come closer to God, and has kept me more humble and less fearful. I know that the Lord can give me what I need to get through today. I pray that you'll find the same power in the concepts presented in these videos. 

In closing, may I quote President Dieter F. Uchtdorf who gave some of the wisest counsel I have ever heard. He said:

"DOUBT YOUR DOUBTS BEFORE YOU DOUBT YOUR FAITH."

Laugh.

I am a piano teacher. Today, one of my little students who is particularly "bouncy" pointed to a note in one of the songs she was playing and said "That's an H."

 I laughed. And I am still laughing inside.

Laugh a little today. It will make your day better ... and it will make your soul better.

This is What I Believe...See For Yourself!!

If you're not a member of or not familiar with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I encourage you to check out the website, LDS.org. This weekend is our General Conference, where the living prophet of God on the earth today speaks to us, as do modern-day apostles and other general authorities of the Church. Check here to find out more and to find out how to watch General Conference. The messages you will hear about Jesus Christ, families, faith, and other topics are inspired and true. If you have questions or would like to know more, feel free to leave a comment or visit lds.org or mormon.org.

I give you my witness that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true church of God upon the earth today. Priesthood power - the power and authority of God- has been restored upon the earth today. The Book of Mormon is true and serves to draw us nearer to Jesus Christ through its witness of Him. I know that Jesus Christ lives and that He is our Savior and Redeemer. He has covered our sins and redeemed us from them. I love Him and I know that He loves you and wants us all to come to Him so that our lives may be made clean and whole.

I invite you to find out for yourself if these things are true.

-Megan

BE Brave

There is a quote on a sticky note next to my bed that I see every morning and every night, and every other time in the day that I sit or lay on my bed. 

It says:

"Do one thing every day that scares you." -Eleanor Roosevelt

The last few days this has seemed particularly applicable for me. I've always been somewhat of a cautious person. I have tried to be safe, tried to not take too many risks. The only thing I've really risked willingly has been my heart...Which is sometimes the scariest thing to risk. However, I think the longer we live, the more we realize how resilient we are, and how good it feels to do the things that scare us, even if we don't have complete success on our first try. I heard someone once say something like "You haven't really started living until you've gone out of your comfort zone." I like it. I agree with it. Something of the Divine told me how selfish I am today. This is true. I stay in my comfort zone sometimes because I am scared to go out of it.... I get scared to be my true self. The Divine said "You are the way you are for a reason. I made you to love people the way you do for a reason, why do you sometimes withhold that extension of love because you are afraid of how others will perceive you? Don't be afraid of your own gifts!"

Today I did something that scared me. It was a small thing, but it required serious courage in the moment. But you know what...It turned out awesome. It was exactly what I needed and I almost missed it because of my fears.  So, I was thinking today "You know what, I'm gonna be ok. I can be brave in my life. I can take risks. I can be me. I can love the challenge of doing something scary every day." 

So, my challenge to you is: "Do one thing every day that scares you," and maybe, just maybe, you will start to see your world through different eyes. Maybe you'll love a little more. Maybe you'll laugh a little more. Maybe you'll love yourself a little more because you weren't afraid to be expand yourself. 

Life is good. Oh so good. 

BE Brave. 

This is What Life is About

I read the words of the LDS hymn 'Lean on My Ample Arm' tonight and I tell you what...its message is what life is about. It is powerful and sweet.

"Lean on my ample arm, O thou depressed! And I will bid the storm cease in thy breast. Whate'er thy lot may be on life's complaining sea, if thou wilt come to me, thou shalt have rest. If thou wilt come to me, thou shalt have rest.

Lift up thy tearful eyes, sad heart, to me; I am the sacrifice offered for thee. In me thy pain shall cease, in me is thy release, in me thou shalt have peace eternally. In me thou shalt have peace eternally."

I love it. I love it, I love it, I love it.

I am amazed at Jesus' infinite Atonement and how He can constantly and continuously and eternally take my burdens from me. HE bids the storm cease in my heart. HE gives me rest on my life's complaining sea. HE lifts up my tearful eyes and my sad heart to the hope of his sacrifice for me. HE takes my pain, HE releases me from it. HE gives me peace. EVERY TIME. Every Single Time. That alone makes me weep. I have pain a lot. I turn my tearful eyes and sad heart to him a lot. And He takes it every time. He will do this eternally. Forever and Ever. He is Endless and Eternal. These names He has make me think of this little song.

Let me just tell you, I know He lives. I KNOW HE LIVES. Eternal and Endless. Provider and King. I know that He is our release, our rest, our peace, and that all this is because He offered himself for us. All he wants us to do is to come to him, to give him all of our burdens and all of our fears and all of our pains so that we can better know him. He just wants us to trust him and to love him and to let him take everything that he suffered for on our behalf.

His arm is ample.

Grateful

I just had to share a quick thought about my gratitude for the opportunities God gives us in life to learn to love Him more and to learn to love other people. I've realized that in order to learn to love other people in a deep way, I have to come to love God more and be closer to Him. I have to have a relationship that is such that His love flows through me ... that I get closer to Him and that His love fills me so that I have love to give to others.

I am grateful for the good people God prepares for us to have in our life. Sometimes life seems so unsure, and the outcomes of certain things in our life are so uncertain that we may become afraid, however, God reminded me today of two things. The first was about how to love and it comes from Luke 6 in the KJV of the Bible.

Jesus says, "Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you. Bless them that curse you, and pray for them that despitefully use you. And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also. Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again. As ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye?...and if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye?....and if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? ....But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father is also merciful. Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again." 

I love this pattern of love that God lays out in these verses. They are truly holy to me. I love them beyond expression. I am going to try harder to pattern my relationships after this kind of love. 

The second comes from the Book of Mormon from the book of Moroni in chapter 7, verse 16. "For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God." This reminded me that I don't have to be able to see all the outcomes, but that I can have faith and trust in the good things in my life at the present time.  

I am grateful for God, a loving family and an amazing boyfriend who bring light and hope and joy to my every day!

"Every Breath"

Every Breath by Jenny Phillips

His hands are
Catching your tears
And even without any words
He hears
You feel so far
But he's right where you are
And He knows

Every breath
Every pain
He knows your heart and
He knows your name
The giver of life
Light in your soul
Oh come home
Come rest
Let Him bless
Your every breath

Silence your voice and be still
And even without any words
You will feel
You think you're far
But he lives in your heart
And he knows

Every breath
Every pain
He knows your heart and
He knows your name
The giver of life
Light in your soul
Oh come home
Come rest
Let Him bless
Your every breath

There's nowhere you can go
That He hasn't been below

Every breath
Every pain
He knows your heart and
He knows your name
The giver of life
Light in your soul
Oh come home
Come rest
Let Him bless
Your every breath

He Hears Every Word

He Hears Me

I just wanted to share tonight a few songs that always help me feel closer to my Heavenly Father. Though life is hard, the connection we have to our Heavenly Father can literally be a lifeline. We really are His children. He loves us so much. I'm grateful for the whisperings of the Spirit and for good people in my life who help me see who I really am. I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ. 

Dreams and Joys

I was reading some of my blog recently (like reading old journals, sometimes reading from previous experiences in my life provides valuable learning, perspective and gratitude for me) and I realized that so many of my posts are about the experiences I've had with health problems over the last few years. Much of my mortal spiritual tutorials have come through those experiences in these recent years. However, I want to just write briefly about some of the things I love most deeply in this life...things that bring me pure joy, things that delight my soul in every way and give vision to my life. If you don't like random ramblings about joyful things, I suggest you not read this. :)

I love summer. I love how green it is. I love the sunshine. I love the warmth. I love going running outside. I love summer sunsets and how the earth cools down and how good it feels to be outside in the evening when the day has been super hot. I love the places I get to go with  the people I most love being with, and the food I get to eat. I love that everything is alive and growing, covering the earth with absolute beauty.

I love being a woman. I love the feelings of being a nurturer, comforter, and friend that come naturally for me. I love knowing that I am not only a woman, but that I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father and Mother who are perfect beings. I love that I can speak with my Father in Heaven through something as simple as prayer. I love that I have that access to Him anytime I want it, wherever I am. I love that I can feel Him just by taking a moment to be still. I love that I can know He is there, just by thinking about Him, and talking to Him. I love that marriage is part of my Father's divine Plan. I love the thought that I get to be a wife and a mother one day. Those are the two things that I have wanted beyond all else since I was just a tiny child. Most of the dreams of my whole life fall into these roles. I believe in love. True love. Happily ever after love. For time and all eternity love. The concept of forever, though it blows my mind, creates a deep sense of joy within my soul. I love that there is potential for creation within each person. And because of that amazing blessing, I rejoice in being clean and chaste, and in being around people who are clean and chaste. I love that my spirit is the creation of two people who were so clean, so pure, so righteous, that though once mortals like me, they became exalted beings who out of their love and their goodness created my eternal spirit. Such potential....to be a creator of spirits and to live in an exalted state with my eternal companion makes me want to be clean above all else. I love the vision that the Relief Society program provides for me. It inspires me to be my most charitable, most spiritually feminine self. I love that I get to be part of God's eternal family.

I love learning. I delight in productivity. I love "getting things done." I hope to make a difference in the world around me by the training I give my minds and my hands. Though I sometimes would rather focus on people than schoolwork, I love that I have the opportunity to attend a university and learn of secular things. As I learn of them, I feel that I grow closer to the Lord because all things testify of Him. So many of the things I learn in my schooling are reflections of God's laws....and of course it is so because He is the creator and ruler of this world.

I love singing. Singing is my favorite thing. Maybe second only to smiling. I just love singing. It makes me so happy and renews my soul. Plus, it is one of the ways I worship and praise the Lord, and express my delight in life and the world around me.

I love how the Holy Ghost cleans my spirit. I love that how immersing myself in things that bring the Spirit literally cleans out my mind, my heart and my spirit of all things not in alignment with the Lord. I love  how the Spirit changes things. I love how something can look so big or bad or hard and how the Spirit can put it into an eternal perspective and give me patience or strength or hope or love, etc to deal with it. I love that each person has their own unique spiritual strengths and weaknesses and how our interactions with each other help us to grow. I love that growth and service are endless opportunities because of our Savior. I love that change and love and hope can always grow and improve within us. I love that the work of discipleship will always exist. There will always be work to do for my Savior.

One of my favorite quotes hangs on my door and I read it every day when I leave my room:

"YOUR PERSPECTIVE IS VITAL TO YOUR HAPPINESS. Some, blind to the bountiful opportunities around them, live lives of sadness and despair with brief moments of joy. Be alive to the abundant potential that surrounds you so that you live a life of peace and happiness with periods of challenging growth." -Elder Richard G. Scott

...And one more, just to share a goal that I am trying to work on (focusing on the good in myself and others)

"Do you want to affiliate with the Christ in people or the Adversary in people? Which ever one you choose, it is necessary for you to find those characteristics- either Christ's or the Adversary's - in each person you meet...and in, I might add, your self."

Love, Peace & Warm Fuzzies

I feel compelled to blog today. I am not totally sure why....but I do.

All I really have is scattered thoughts, so this may not be worth it to you to read, but writing is satisfying to me.

I think almost constantly about my future family. As I date and meet various young men, I think about how there has to be someone out there who is perfect for me....Perfect? Of course not, but perfect for me? There has to be. The more young men I meet, the more convinced I become that there is someone out there for me who has the potential to be the person I need and I will be the same way for him. I have given much thought over the past couple of years to the possibility of serving a mission for the LDS Church. As I have thought this, though my soul wants to serve, there is something within me that cannot go. There is this feeling within me that has held me back, a feeling that I can't stop dating for a year and a half, and even a feeling that though no blessing would be withheld from me if I went on a mission, I may miss out on someone I would not want to miss out on if I went. (I promise I'm not making that up. That feeling has come from divine inspiration.) I trust completely in the Lord's timing. I know He will lead me to the right person and the right places at the right times. I know He will take care of me and that He has prepared a young man for me who wants the same kind of marriage and life that I do, who has hoped and planned and worked for a loving marriage and family, who has kept himself clean from the evils of this world, and who is deeply devoted to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I wish we could all understand that there is never any need to settle for someone who is not the kind of person we wish to be with. The Lord doesn't ever ask us to settle. He just asks us to be patient. He will lead us to where we want to go if we will ask Him and stay close to Him.

If you are LDS, I hope you know of the power found in the holy temples. Go there. Life changes when I go. I change when I go. Everything changes when I go.

One of my favorite hymns is "Where Can I Turn For Peace?" I love ALL of the verses.

"Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace? When other sources cease to make me whole. Where with a wounded heart, anger or malice, I draw myself apart searching my soul.

Where, with my aching heart, where when I languish, where, in my need to know, where can I run? Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish? Who, who can understand? He, only one.

He answers privately, reaches my reaching. In my Gethsemane Savior and Friend. Gentle the peace He finds for my beseeching. Constant He is, and kind, love without end."

One of my favorite songs lately is this one ...two of the most comforting hymns ever, combined. I also love this song of hers. I just love how motherly it is. I think I just love everything motherly.

I have the opportunity to teach institute in my stake of young single adults right now. Teaching the gospel in this capacity humbles me and reminds me how much I love getting to share my feelings about the gospel. I feel so much joy and excitement every week as I study the lessons. I feel so blessed and I feel that, in a way, it is a compensating blessing of my not being meant to go on a mission.

Yesterday, my mom asked me if I'd had any good thoughts about suffering in my down time the last couple days. Let me back up. I had a gum graft done in my mouth. I didn't think it was going to be that big of a deal, but it has been far more miserable than I had expected. Having a somewhat compromised body anyway, anything extra usually knocks me out for a few days. I've pretty much just been laying in my bed since Thursday afternoon. So, back to my mom's question ..... I told her that I hadn't. In fact, I told her I hadn't been thinking about the suffering. I had put other things into my brain. Things of laughter, of humor, of light-heartedness and relaxation. Odd as it may sound, this was significant to me. I've had a lot of physical pain and discomfort and sickness in the last several years, and have had much cause to contemplate suffering. There have been some deeply poignant moments in those times and a lot of learning has taken place. However, I feel grateful that recently I do not seem to have to go as deep emotionally with suffering. Suffering is an essential part of this life. It has the ability to soften us and to help us understand what is really important. However, I think there may be a larger place for not focusing on our suffering. When we suffer, we need not pause to think deeply about every pain we are experiencing. The Lord would have us continue on in joy, no matter what is happening. I feel that this understanding may have come to me recently....That even though I may be suffering, I don't have to stay in the suffering. I don't have to dwell on it, even if my dwelling is not a negative thing. I used to focus a lot on the suffering. The more I have suffered however, the more I have learned to distract myself from it with joyful things and the hope that this too will pass. My mom told me that she once had the impression "Don't go too deep with any trial." I have a testimony that there is joy to be found even in uncomfortable and painful situations. We can learn from every trial, but we need not be paralyzed by it or delve too deeply into them. What we need from them will come to us if we are seeking the Lord's will in our life. We can have hope and joy even as we pass through them because of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Last, I really love lullabies. I think that, again, it is because I so deeply love being a woman and the feelings that accompany that divine gender role for me...I love all things soft and sweet and tender and encouraging. This one is so cute. The same artist also has a couple others that I love here and here. And one of my favorite Christian artists wrote this one and I love it. Get ready for warm fuzzies.

"The Clouds Ye So Much Dread"

I hope that if you ever read any of my blog posts, you will read this one. 

 Because this one is about some of the biggest pieces of my heart and life that I have ever written about.

I love the hymns of the LDS Church. The whole basis of this post comes from the hymn called "God Moves in a Mysterious Way." I discovered this hymn several years ago and it has been one of my favorites ever since. One verse in particular has stuck with me and ministered to my spirit over and over again. It says:

"Ye fearful saints
            Fresh courage take
                  The clouds ye so much dread
                             Are big with mercy and shall break
                                                     In blessings on your head."

This verse first comforted me about an anxiety/phobia issue that I dealt with quite severely as a teenager. It gave me strength to know that my fears weren't as bad as they may have seemed to me. These words would resurface often in my mind during difficult times and comfort me over the next several years.

A couple months ago, we sang this hymn in sacrament meeting after a talk that had brought up something close to my heart - something painful. I wondered at how I could overcome it, and how I could get through it and the larger implications it seemed to have in my life. It seemed so big, so full of bad things. Then we sang this hymn, and when we got to this verse I knew the Lord was speaking to me. I knew He was telling me that this trial that looked like such a big dark storm cloud was in fact full of blessings because of the way He can turn all things to our good.

Later, I was further enlightened by thinking about how storm clouds become dark when they become full of moisture and then it rains because they are so full they can't hold the moisture anymore. Rain is often looked at negatively, and we often compare trials to rain (even though a lot of people love rain - I don't know exactly where that comparison began). That being so, the meaning of this verse became more apparent: The cloud becomes heavy and full and looks dark and foreboding to us. We cover our heads in fear of what the rain will bring down because all we see is the darkness of the clouds and we think that only cold, sorrowful rain is going to fall on us...

BUT....This verse of song is telling us that the reason the cloud has to break is because it so full, not of hardship, but of mercy. It is so full of love, of growth, and of blessings that it cannot even contain them and so it breaks. Sometimes it is hard for us to see the mercy in our trials, but I believe they are there...Abundantly.


A couple weeks ago, I was talking with my mom about our neighbor who has been suffering from cancer for 3 years. He now has a beautiful young family and a heartbreaking diagnosis. We love him and have learned so much from his example. As we were talking, part of our own family's story came up. I am the youngest of 7 children - Two brothers, followed by a sister, followed by three more brothers, and then me. The brother just older than me passed away at 14 months old in an accident in our driveway.

My parents have treated this trial in an amazing way. My mother, particularly  has taught me the truths of the Plan of Salvation with total faith and no bitterness about/from that experience. As we talked the other night and I shared with her my favorite line from this hymn, I had an "ah-ha!" moment as I realized that the power of my mother's testimony to me throughout my life has come from knowing that she lost a child just two and a half years before I was born. She taught me closely and carefully and constantly about Jesus Christ and about how because of what He did we would be together with our Andrew again.  Everything she has taught me throughout my life and her life has sunk so deeply into me because I knew she wasn't just saying it, and I knew that she didn't just know it-- she had lived it and experienced it. The Atonement had cleansed her of any chance for bitterness or anger and had made her heart soft to receive all the truth, love, faith, and learning that can come from such a profound experience. I saw in that moment just one of the many ways that the cloud of my brother's death was full of mercy. I knew that my mother's testimony was so solid and so true and so authentic because of this experience and because it happened just before I came into our family, it was fresh with her and so she was teaching me with all of her learning from this experience from day one of my mortal life. I know she had a stalwart testimony before that, but I am confident that one of the reasons her testimony has always been so real to me is because she carries no bitterness from that experience and because of how she has always used it as an opportunity to testify to me of God's truths.   For me, that cloud broke with mercy and blessings.

I had so much peace and hope as I thought about our neighbors and how this trial for my family has been such a blessing in so many ways (for those who have chosen to look for the blessings in it). I knew that all would be well for them and that this trial, too, is a cloud full of mercy and will break in blessings on their heads.

I have hope that other clouds in my life are full of mercy and blessings which will be shown in the Lord's time...

• A continued struggle with anxiety and other health issues
• A difficult relationship with a family member
• A massive fear of having a bad marriage

These things often tear at me on an hourly basis, sometimes a momentary basis. However, my purpose of this post is to let you know that I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe in His Atonement. I believe in His healing. I believe in His ability to turn all things for our good. I believe that there is mercy in each of our trials and that though this life presents many challenges, that He equips us with all we need to get through it safely and with a whole heart. I have found most of the time, that we can be just about as whole as we want to be if we will turn to Him. I believe in His mercy, I believe that He is the silver lining in every cloud and that the opportunity to come closer to Him and to believe more deeply in His promises and His truths is how He offers us mercy through our trials. How I love Him and how I praise Him for all His goodness and love!

If you've read all this and have gotten to this point, I hope that you will reflect on the clouds in your life that may be offering you mercies which you have not yet claimed.

"God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform. He plants his footsteps in the sea and rides upon the storm. Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take. The clouds ye so much dread are big with mercy and shall break in blessings on your head. His purposes will ripen fast, unfolding every hour. The bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flower."

When Things "Don't Work Out"

Lots of thoughts today. Some are random, some less random.

Today, I felt like nothing was "working out." Like my endeavors in things I've really wanted to do, wanted to do well in, or just plain wanted were all falling to pieces. Kind of a continuation of how I'd been feeling in my last post, but even more-so. I sat in a chair in the institute building at UVU today, mulling these things over in my mind, and feeling a little bit teary-eyed as I texted my mom to tell her about how I was feeling. I told her "I feel like the things I want to do and the things I want to work out haven't been for about the last 4 months.....or maybe the last 7 years." Then, as I thought about this feeling about how nothing was working out, I felt a gentle spiritual nudge from my Heavenly Father saying "What if, in fact, everything IS working out?" And right then, I knew that was the truth. Everything is working out, because it's going the Lord's way. He is guiding it all, so it is working out, even though the things that I base "working out" on aren't the same as what He bases it on. I have the utmost comfort at this, and the utmost reassurance about the course of my life. I am so grateful for that answer.

Shortly after that little pity party and special experience, I felt prompted to go see if a professor was in his office whose class I am still way behind in. I went and he was there.  The main thing I have to make up is a test. We talked about my options for a few minutes and determined that I would just take the test next week, whenever I am ready (He is super nice). Then, he got up from his desk and walked across his office to a stack of tests and said "You know what, I'm just going to give you the test and you can work on it as you can. You can use the book and just do it as you have time." I almost cried. This is the toughest subject for me this semester and I have really struggled with the material. His kindness and letting me use the book will probably change the outcome of my grade in the class, not to mention I will actually be able to do it little pieces at a time, as I am ready. I felt so grateful, and felt so grateful to my Heavenly Father for showing me that things really are "working out." What a nice little man that professor is!

It has been raining for days! I kind of love it but not really. Yesterday I was thinking about THIS song and this movie scene all day long and wanted to re-enact if every time I was outside. Today on my drive home I was thinking about the phrase "Singing in the rain." I made a goal to sing in the rain more.  It seemed applicable for my life lately. Even though it's been raining, I can still sing. And I can sing IN the rain. Ha, take that, rain! I can sing all I want, no matter what you do. Then, I thought of this song, and then the fact that I was thinking about all these songs about rain, made me think about this song, "Songs About Rain." I know...weird. What can I say, my brain connects everything.

I am at a restless point in my life. I need a change, an adventure, something. I just can't quite put my finger on what that might be. Maybe summer will help. My body sure wants summer.

If you don't know this about me, I love classical music, and all sorts of instrumental music. I've played the cello and the piano for years and I have fallen in love with so many pieces that I've been blessed to learn of over the years. Here are a few that I've been thinking about today/recently. If you're not a classical music buff, look these up! You just might like some of them. I LOVE music!!
-Peer Gynt Suite by Grieg
- Firebird Suite Finale by Stravinsky
-Unaccompanied Cello Suite by Bach
-The main theme of the movie "The Patriot" by John Williams
-The Trout Quintet by Schubert
-Intermezzo from Cavalleria Rusticana by Mascagni
- Beethoven's Symphony no. 5
-Rhapsody in Blue by George Gershwin

...And if you want some music for fun, check out these guys. :)

Tender Mercies

Maybe I'm the only one who's had a crazy semester and an even crazier past month...but I doubt it. :)

For the past 5 weeks, I've had bronchitis and asthma: two things I've never dealt with before in my life. I've honestly never had a severe respiratory illness other than when I had RSV as a baby. This has been super scary and super painful! This semester had already been full of lots of annoying, inconvenient, and hard things. School-wise it's probably been my most wearing semester. I have always excelled in school. My lowest grade ever in my college career to date is a B+, earned in calculus last semester. I worked my tail off in that class and came out with only a B+. New feeling for me... I can usually get A's by doing the bare minimum. This semester,  I feel like B's will be gifts in the majority of my classes. Haha. In short, I have always felt Heavenly Father's hand over my schoolwork. He has helped me pull through and do well even in the face of big challenges. This semester, there were so many little things that have just gone "wrong" where school is concerned. Then I got sick with this beast of a respiratory bug. I missed a week of school. (Please don't think I'm trying to complain. I didn't go to school for my whole senior year of high school because of health problems so I know a week isn't a big deal. I am just setting up the background for why this post is important.) More or less, for the past little while, I have felt a little like everything was falling apart. The breaks that usually seemed to come to help me with school, or health or other trials hadn't been around in quite some time. Peace hadn't been very abundant in my life. But.... sometimes it takes somewhat of a dark backdrop in our lives to be able to more clearly see the Lord's tender mercies to us.

• I have been so caught up in my life and have not given nearly enough to those around me lately. I apologize to those of you who deserve so much more from me. But here are some acts of kindness and tender mercies that have made the past couple of months more bearable for me. Thank you all for who you are in my life. I couldn't make it through without Christ-like friends. 

• The first week I was sick, my home teachers (who had just barely been assigned to be my home teachers) brought me orange juice one night. It cheered my day. 

• One day as I was looking for a parking spot at school, there was a car pulling out who I hadn't noticed, and there was another girl who had seen and I could tell was going to take the spot. I was just about to pull by when the girl gestured for me to take the spot and drove on. I recognized the girl as she drove by. She was in my class that was probably beginning in about 5 minutes...She needed the spot as much as I did, but she let me take it. It meant something to me that day. 

• Somehow I was able to work out days to make presentations and take tests that I missed while I was sick. It seemed impossible and I still don't have all the work done, but my professors were able to make accommodations and I should be able to make up everything I need to.  A topic for a presentation I needed to make came together quite quickly and in a way that was perfect for what is required in the presentation. It was one of the little things that "worked out" when everything else seemed like it wasn't.

• I went to the temple this week for the first time in a several weeks because of this illness. I saw a person in the temple who some time ago made some actions that disappointed me (and maybe hurt my tender spirit a little bit). The Spirit had given me a feeling a couple months ago that the Lord would show me some of this person's good works rather than letting me dwell on negatives. The Lord already had shown me some of the good works of this person and had allowed me to move forward from our interactions. However, when I walked into the temple and saw that person, I knew the Lord was still fulfilling that promise to me of bringing to light this person's goodness. I was overwhelmed with gratitude. My gratitude wasn't anything to do with the person though....It was all over the fact that Heavenly Father cared about me enough to carry out His promise, even when I didn't feel I needed it anymore. I had to be there at the exact time to see that person and I knew Heavenly Father had guided my day so that would happen. It reminded me that Heavenly Father cares about the small things in our lives...the small things that matter to us. He cares enough to minister to us in our biggest and our smallest of trials. Also while in the temple, the baptistry was very crowded and was standing room only at times. I was super tired from not getting much sleep the night before and after I had been standing for a several minutes, my lungs and legs were screaming to be able to sit down and rest. A lady and her daughter were in front of me. There was one spot left on the bench and they let me sit down rather than one of them taking it. It was so small, but exactly what I needed at that moment and I considered it a tender mercy. 

• Sister Dalton's and Brother Stanley Ellis's talks in General Conference today. 

• Last, because this is getting long, but certainly not because this is a comprehensive list of my blessings, Heavenly Father has brought people into my life over the course of the past many months who have blessed, strengthened, reminded, and guided me. Some have even had the amazing effect of bringing healing into my life, and of giving me confidence in my dreams which I had previously lost. I am so grateful for the amazing people Heavenly Father has blessed me with. 

I want to close by saying that I know that life is not easy for anyone. It has certainly not been easy in any way for me, but I also know that my life is not as hard as many others. Life is designed so personally for each of us - To test us and build us in the very specific ways we most need so that we can reach exaltation. I know that no matter what happens in our lives, the answer for us is Jesus Christ. He will succor us, He will direct us, He will help and heal us. I know that He does not always run right to our rescue, because if He did, we would not be able to grow as much as we need to, however I do know that He is always there and that He always listens when we pray. We can feel Him close, no matter what we are going through if we will but pray and listen and obey His commandments. May He bless you in whatever struggles you are facing. 

Kindness and prayer make my world turn round.

Happy Conference everyone!

Who Would You Share the Gospel With??

I LOVE SCHOOL!!!
I love my school. I love everything about the opportunities I have at my University, and especially the opportunities I have because of the LDS Institute there. The Lord worked hard to make sure that I ended up at UVU for my college education. As in He changed the course of my life so drastically my senior year of high school through a long-term illness, that UVU was literally my only option. I was bent on going to BYU, but I am now so grateful I was not able to choose that path. However, throughout my three years at UVU, there have been multiple times when I did not want to be there, and was bent on transferring to BYU as soon as possible. With the help of the Spirit, each time I've felt this way, I've been reassured that UVU was exactly where I needed to be and as more wonderful experiences came out of my being there, I was able to accept with more and more gratitude that this is where I ended up.

In the past week or so, the Lord has made me painfully aware that I will not be in this place of my life forever.....and especially that I will not be at UVU and the institute there forever. This has brought me some sadness to think about (not because I want to stay in this phase of life forever, but because I've come to love the place so much for all the experiences I've had here), but with this thought has also come a determination to make the best possible use of my time in this place. I suddenly have an increased desire to be involved in everything I possibly can. I want to seize all the opportunities I have not yet taken. As I was thinking about this tonight, I thought about the people who I've been impressed to somehow befriend or share the Gospel with who I've met in classes at UVU. I realized that I have not acted fully on many of those impressions, and I feel ashamed of that. The thought came "If for some reason, tomorrow was your last day to get to be a student at UVU, who would you share the Gospel with? What actions would you take in sharing the Gospel that you have so far been too afraid to take?" This question pierced the very center of my heart. There are actions I need to take to invite certain individuals to learn more of Christ. I know exactly who they are, and I am thankful to the Lord for telling me to stop being afraid and stop putting it off.

So.....Wherever you are: life, a job, a class, etc..... If you knew your time there was limited, what would you do, specifically, WHO WOULD YOU SHARE THE GOSPEL WITH??

(Sorry for so many blog posts lately. I am really not that into blogging, this is just a super convenient way to record some of the things that have been important for me to remember lately. Forgive me for so many posts recently.)

Just one more good boy....

Throughout my life I think I can honestly say that I have been blessed to be friends with some of the most special, spiritual, stand-up people to have ever lived in my generation. Seriously. Through those years, I have had the privilege of knowing some extremely good young men. They have been such a huge blessing and motivating factor in my life. I think I can honestly say that much of who I am today has been shaped by those good young men I've had the blessing of associating with. Two or three, in particular, have really helped me see a proper vision of who I am through the way they've treated me, and who I can become through the way their goodness has inspired me to be better. 

The point of all that is to tell you that yesterday, I was on the receiving end of the example of one more good boy's example. I was in the temple doing baptisms for the dead. There were a couple young adult men helping with the ordinances who were not temple workers. Shortly after I got out to the font, one of them entered to be the baptizer. I do not know why this happened to me yesterday....I have been at the temple plenty of other days when young men have been there volunteering to help with ordinances, but yesterday, this young man's example literally pierced my heart. He emanated a spiritual joy that felt to reflect joy and gratitude at being in the temple. I had been having a little bit of a rough day and needed comfort and reassurance. For some reason, the fact that there was a boy who had chosen to be at the temple as a volunteer to baptize people on a Saturday afternoon and that he had such joy about it filled my heart and gave me so much comfort. I was comforted that there are people like that out there; I was essentially comforted by this person's goodness. I know that young man had no idea that the Lord was going to use his simple service to bless someone else's life in such a profound way. He was simply doing a good thing. In doing so, the Lord used his example to change my day and remind me of things I was doubting about people. (And no, that has nothing to do with dating, I promise.) I was so grateful for that person and that he was there, serving in the temple with such joy. He was just one more good boy - I don't even know his name -  but his actions blessed me in a way that I do not think I can even put into words. 

So, let me encourage each one of you....Keep doing the good things you do. You never know when Heavenly Father may use your example to deeply bless and answer the needs of someone else, even through actions that may not seem like a big deal to you. Being good really does make a difference. 

The Gentle Healer

A few thoughts...

"Gentle Healer" - Selah
This song has been one of my favorites for years. I recently found this version of it and I have listened to it probably 100 times in the past week. Not only do I love the music but I love the message of the song. I think of the woman with the issue of blood in the scriptures when I hear this song. Having had ongoing health problems for years, I can picture the despair of this woman who had spent all her living on physicians trying to find something to make her better and nothing did. Finally, when she literally had no other avenue of hope left, she was in a place where the true Healer was. Her faith in Him and in His power was so great that all she had to do was touch His clothes and she was healed. Her faith inspires me, but her hope in the true source of healing is even more tender to me. I have a testimony of Jesus Christ as the Gentle Healer in my life. Emphasis on the word gentle. I am learning more and more of His gentleness, His kindness and His intense care for every concern and difficulty we have. I am overwhelmed by the vastness of His love, evidenced in his atoning sacrifice. I am so so so so weak in so many ways and yet He is always there. His forgiveness, patience, mercy and grace are endless and how intensely grateful I feel for that. I know there is healing for all things in Him. His beckon call "Come unto me," is one of the most beautiful phrases I have ever heard. I think coming unto the Gentle Healer is the most beautiful experience that we are afforded in this life. It has certainly been the most beautiful experience of my life.

Heavenly Father speaks to us through the power of the Holy Ghost. Personal revelation is real. If we will seek the Lord, we will find him and he will tell us through the power of the Holy Ghost all things which we should do. He loves us that much! :)

Kindness is joy. There is nothing more thrilling to me than being kind. I am certainly not perfect at it, however, the opportunities presented to us each day to spread kindness, love and gratitude are really what keep me going. Knowing that there is an endless opportunity to do good and love others makes me feel of greater value and lets me know I can always be of service to the Lord.  For more thoughts on how you can be an example of Jesus Christ and an influence for good, no matter where you are, check out this talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, a special witness of Jesus Christ. Israel, Israel, God Is Calling

Finally, I love the temple. I am so grateful to be so near to such a holy place. Going there re-centers me on God's plan for the human family, and on his plan for me and my family, both present and future! I rejoice that families can be sealed together forever in holy temples. We are so so blessed. :) Happy Sunday, everyone. :)